I can't be bothered to think of a clever title.
I know its been ages since my last post. Apologies.
And you, my dear readers, deserve a really great blog this time around. Unfortunately, I can't do that. I really think I peaked with that Topsy's post. Just kidding, that was nonsensical trash.
Today is my parents wedding anniversary. They're going to Napa or somewhere like that this weekend but tonight they dumped Marellie in my lap and went gallivanting into the night. The really disturbing part is that my Dad wouldn't tell me where they were going or when they would be back. He also left his cellphone here. And we all know what that means: Love Making.
My dog's birthday is this month as well. I don't which day though, and I don't think he knows either. Boomer (my dog) turns eighteen and he's completely deaf. If you couple a dog's naturally short attention span with deafness, you get a very frustrating pet. I see a dog's I.Q. as a sum of his senses. For example, in the mind of a dog, poison is to be avoided because it smells bad and leaving the chainsaw alone is good because is sounds dangerous. So its only natural to assume my dog's intelligence has been halved over the past year. Which is really frightening when your dog is exceptionally stupid.
Do you want to know an interesting fact about Beam, which is what I call Boomer?
He was the second dog in history to have Neuticles.
Some quack vet in Missouri invented steel replacement nuts for neutered dogs back in the 1990's. My Mom's friend won some gag prize on a radio show which turned out to be a free promotional "installation?" "implant?" of neuticals. She didn't own a dog so, "Bob's you're Uncle", Boomer has fake nuts. To this day, Boomer, despite being the world's biggest chicken, has balls of steel.
I've poked and flicked at them too. They really are hard as a rock.
For more information contact the following website: http://www.neuticles.com/
posted by Ryan McClune @ 7:04 PM
7 Comments:
I forgot. Welcome Simon, good to hear from you and I'm glad you are enjoying the blog. I won't be offended if we don't hear from you again, aninterstellarburst can be an acquired taste.
Man...I had forgotten about the balls of steel. I wonder if they spark when you flick them?
No, they don't spark. But if you massage them together ever so gently Boomer will grant you a wish.
This was for sure a pre-9/11 thing. I would imagine if you have to take your fucking shoes off at the airport and can't have anything above a travel size shampoo that the next step for the terrorists would be dog's balls bombs, and therefore Boomer's on the "No Fly" list.
I'm pretty sure Johnny Dare used to sell/promote Neuticles on the radio. Do they still attach those things to dogs?
Didn't Boomer get hit by a car semi-recently?
I was watching the season finale of Rescue Me last night (great show, by the way). One of the guys on the show bought a dog and his wife made him get Neuticles to boost the dog's self-esteem.
So to answer my question from yesterday, yes, they still attach those to dogs...at least on TV they do.
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