Style at Large!...even I'm not that clever
Do you know what I got to thinking about this weekend? Plus sized women. Now, don’t get me wrong, I enjoy women of all shapes and sizes, in fact, I probably prefer the plus sized over those of the anorexic variety. But what I’ve really been thinking about is what exactly does the term plus sized mean? When I ordered a Big Mac Extra Value Meal on Friday I certainly didn’t ask for it to be plus sized. Rather, I politely asked for it to be “large sized”, because I enjoy the big drink. When asked about the nature of my penis I usually respond with “average but thick”, never plus sized. On a side note, women find this sort of honesty irresistible. Have I ever told you what a charming drunk I am?
Anyway, if you Google “plus sized women” the first hit is a website dedicated to lingerie. Rather large lingerie I would imagine. So diving ever deeper into said website (I don’t want to advertise on this blog, not for free at least, so I’ll let you stumble upon it yourself if you’re so inclined), I discovered some very racy photos of what I imagine are plus sized women. And to be perfectly honest, I found myself excited, ashamed, and engorged. Checking the size guide for their bras reveled that the cup sizes go all the way up to JJ. I can scarcely imagine the size of breasts that would facilitate a JJ bra.
I have no idea why I decided to write about these much maligned members of American society. Perhaps it’s because Valentines Day is coming up and I feel terrible for all the lonely big girls out there. And, if the trend towards obesity in this country continues, you’ll soon have no choice but to have a plus sized girlfriend and plus sized wife and eventually plus sized children. So, what I think I’m trying to say in this already regrettable post is: If you’re alone this Valentines Day or any day for that matter, go out and make a friend, a plus sized one.
P.S. Right now I’m deciding whether or not to include a picture of a large woman. If you’re reading this, you’ve already found out.
posted by Ryan McClune @ 5:59 PM
11 Comments:
Ryan, you always did seem to like the bigger ones, maybe you should find a plus sized valentines date this year? Being one who has stuggled with my weight throughout my life, I know what it's like to be labled "plus sized". It was difficult but I was able to get by on my charm and awesomeness. On a side note, Teen Wolf was on TV last night.
Sometimes it's hard to tell if you've been drinking while you blog. But this time.. I mean, a post about fat chicks...
I'll give $20 to anyone who hasn't been with a plus sized girl at some point in their life.
Sadly I'm not eligible for that $20 Jeff. I know Davis isn't and pretty sure Greg isn't either. Good times.
Jeff, could you define a plus sized women. I might be up for the twenty dollars. Don't get me wrong I have hooked up with some chicks that don't really look good however I don't think they were plus sized. They had other problems, maybe in the face area.
I did see that Teen Wolf was on last night. I feel bad informing you all of this but I have never seen Teen Wolf.
Ryan, what is your feeling on the new track by Oasis?
After thinking about it, Jeff I am sad to say that I am not in the running for that twenty bucks
Vince, you didn't have to tell me; I already knew. Everyone is guilty of it. It's just a fact of life.
Wait, there is still a chance, what is the official size of a plus sized women?
I think I want to dress as Lion-o from Thundercats for Halloween this year. Your thoughts?
First let me state one fact, as I am probably the most out of shape of all the contributors to this blog, I have never taken advantage of the joys of a plus sized woman. Lord knows I have been tempted to venture down that four or five lane highway but by the grace of god or lack of that extra drink I always thought about how it would feel to awake the next morning next to such a creature.
The whole plus-sized model talk brings to mind the notion that I have heard that one of Steven Tyler's daughters is actually the most famous plus-sized model to date. Maybe I am confused though. Taking all of this in to consideration and the fact that I will be working on this coming Valentine's Day due to George Mason's Homecoming Basketball game I think I may approach one the more plus-sized cheerleaders or other female student-athletes and gauge their interest in my husky-sized penis. Shirley that will be charming in the McClune sense of the word.
Speaking of the old, drunken McClune charm I am reminded of a few instances when it has been on full display. One involved a two-story beer bong that Ryan decided to take head on apparently to impress some women at the party. If only he knew how to operate the release valve. After turning the release with no result he turned to me a slurred something along the lines of, "how the fuck do you work this thing" and at that very moment the floodgates opened on to his t-shirt. He managed to recover about one-story into the beer onslaught but disappeared in to the night shortly after the incident. Not very charming but extremely hilarious.
Another incident took place at TM's cousins house and involved a fellow 2001 SMS graduate turned stripper/lady of the night. This was very charming in fact. Ryan managed to persuade her to raise her shirt and display her bare knockers to all of us gathered around. This went on for probably 15-20 minutes as I gathered newcomers to the party to come view the spectacle. Needless to say her friend was not too pleased which is probably why she refused to enter the shower with Fox later that evening. But kudos to the McClune charm on that occasion.
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