Not another monkey post
If you click the “view my complete profile” link to the right, you might notice that my occupation is listed as entrepreneur. So, in the spirit of entrepreneurship, the following blog entry is not only meant to be amusing but also potentially lucrative. In other words, I am giving you, my dear readers, the chance to get in on the ground floor of a new and exciting business opportunity.But first I would like to preface this potential investment by explaining just how I stumbled upon such an ingenious idea. About fifteen minutes ago I finished watching a Nature Channel show appropriately titled “Clever Monkeys”. The show itself was unremarkable but it reminded me of a trip I took to the Sacramento Zoo about a year ago. After wandering about, as people do at the zoo, I stopped to admire the monkeys, you know, the ones that swing around, the other ones that do nothing, and the ones that howl and yelp. And then it hit me. I have never, ever, met a monkey. And the sweat-shop monkeys at the zoo don’t count.
People love monkeys and monkeys love people. But where is our monkey access?
Enter: MonkeyParty.com
Edit: I just checked and that URL is taken (for a completely unrelated reason, mind you). So effective immediately, the company’s name is TBD.
So here is the pitch:
Firstly, I buy a chimpanzee (like the one pictured above), or any Primate really, but if I’m not mistaken, chimps can live to be like eighty years old. And this part is important, because monkeys aren’t cheap. But old monkeys, like eighty year old monkeys, will eventually pay for themselves.
Secondly, people pay me $100/hour to show up at birthdays, office parties, weddings, bar mitzvahs, etc. for the pleasure of meeting a monkey.
The monkey can shake hands, have pictures taken, tell jokes, dance, rollerskate, do high-fives while Dad video tapes it, etc.
Now hear me out. People still hire clowns for birthdays and other events (yeah, clowns). I’ll let the following equation explain my next point.
Kids + Clown = Crappy birthday and unhappy children.
Kids + Monkey = Best birthday ever, I love you Mom and Dad.
Or.
Thirteen-year olds + D.J. = lame and predictable bar mitzvah.
Thirteen-year olds + D.J. + Monkey = Mozoltov!
Let me know what you think and we can start to get the ball rolling. I assure you that there will be other investors so you will want to act quickly.
posted by Ryan McClune @ 11:37 PM
11 Comments:
So, I get to work, check my email, get some coffee, etc, then decide to check the blog for a new post. I literally spit my coffee all over my computer screen while reading this one. Excellent work Ryan, and count me in. Just tell me how much money and where to send it to, I couldnt possibly miss out on this opportunity.
Only if we could train the monkey to also be a jewel thief.
Sorry to be a wet blanket, but you can't own a monkey in the state of California, so it's busted-
http://www.monkeymaddness.com/laws/ca.html
Count me in. If this is true about the California laws, it just means you must relocate to the midwest.
You could move in with my roommates and me (I live with two chicks, btw). There is plenty of room for you and a monkey.
Great post!! First of all, Ryan, my lease ends at the end of April and as far as I know there is no law against owning monkeys in Illinois.
Now the main thing that this post brings to mind is one of my dreams. I want to get 3 or 4 gorillas, one bear, give them all steroids and maybe other drugs and let them fight in a cage. It would be like UFC but with animals. I know PETA would have my head so that is why this would be down overseas.
Now I just did some research and my comment above about it maybe being legal in Illinois, well it is. THERE IS NO LAW AGAINST OWNING A MONKEY IN ILLINOIS. I might be willing to invest in this however Ryan you need to do the legwork.
The following site should be our next step:
http://www.primatestore.com/forsale.asp
When we Franchise I choose Davis to be the handler in this area of the country.
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I have re-read this post like 15 times today, this is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. I can picture McClune writing this (probably drunk) and laughing at his own ideas. This is just great stuff
What did you call the picture of the little monkey that you had in your apartment? I am talking about the apartment where you lived with Max.
These blogs remind me of some of the stories Ryan would have about roommates, I am thinking about one in particular who would borrow Ryan's boxers and toothbrush.
That's right gentlemen, I have decided to grace this blog with my presence. I have longed to quench my yearning for the missing McClune in my life for the last few years. But with no current phone #, email, or address I simply didn't know where to turn. Operating under the unassuming guise of a Sci-Fi/Monkey Blog I was unaware or intentionally never notified of this blogs wondrous existence.
A week or two ago by pure stroke of luck or maybe some mysterious divine kinship that I asked Davis if he knew what Ryan has been up to these last few years and in my Google chat there was a link to this blog with a message saying simply enjoy. Now it took me a few days to read all the past posts so I could gain a sense of what this was all about but my friends let me just say this: my cup now overflowith with McClune!
After much debate over whether to become an active member/contributor to this blog or simply enjoy it in the shadows I decided to break my own personal rule of never getting involved in anything that Vince is involved with. So here I am and I think that the good that will come out my participation and reunion with Ryan and other friends far outweighs the tedium that goes along with any open dialogue with Vince.
So be sure to check old posts as I will be commenting on them with great enthusiasm. I begin with the most recent monkey post. First of all let me say this: Clowns are scary and very creepy so I am all for substituting them with monkeys at Birthday parties. This business plan also reminds me of another lucrative scheme that a friend of mine thought up a while back. It was his desire to create a Vegas stage show that focused around monkeys and gorillas lifting weights. So I was wondering if there was a way to incorporate these bench pressing primates in to your master plan? By the way Vince the monkey on the poster in that apt I believe was called Schmo after its resemblance to a certain short and bald, but shockingly hairy creature with whom we shared Naismith Hall.
Ah yes, Seth. How goes it. I don't seem to understand these feelings you have towards me. Interaction with me leads to an enlightenment that all should experience.
I would like to say that no one here believes your post on the plus sized women blog. We have all settled at some time in our lives.
I do not believe that was the name of the monkey, we will need McClune to verify.
Sorry a typo, the monkey was Schomo.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RF4SY3P3yAs
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