I didn't make these stupid stories up
I just have two short stories to tell.
1) Last week I was on the computer in my room when I heard a loud and sudden crashing sound. Thinking to myself "that must be a car accident", I quickly looked out of my window which faces a somewhat busy street. In the front yard of the house directly across the street from mine was a crashed up car that had hit a tree. Yes, a car in the front yard. Then, a young man (about my age, sort of mexican or arab looking) stepped out of the driver side door, looked around for a second and proceeded to flee the scene of the accident at incredible pace. The whole time I'm watching the young mexican/arab guy run as fast as he could away from the scene of the crime. Later there were cops everywhere and eventually the car was towed away and that was that. I sort of wish I had chased after him and after catching him and beating him to within an inch of his mexican/arab life, I would be the hero of the neighborhood.
-that story sounds sort of racist.
2) Yesterday I was smoking on the patio when I heard what sounded like two very angry birds trying to kill one another. I got up, walked around the pool to the other side of the yard and looked around the corner only to find Boomer (my dog) taking a poop. A little background first, Boomer is 14 years old and therfore, his poops are a long and uncomfortable affair. But suddenly, a small, gray, and very aggitated bird pops out of a bush and starts going crazy. He's pecking and weaving, shouting and screething, think Kramer doing an imitation of Little Jerry Seinfeld the rooster. And this small little bird is pecking at Boomer and all the while he's too concerned with his drawn out and agonizing shit. Eventually he finishes up and the bird flies away and I'm lucky enough to have witnessed the whole thing.
-So in the future, if anyone asks you if you've ever seen a pooping dog being attacked by a bird, you can say: "No, but I know someone who has".
-Yes, I know these stories are stupid but at the time they were great.
The picture above is what a pooping Boomer and angry bired mixed together would look like.
Question: Is it pathetic that I'm 23 years old and writing about pooping dogs?
posted by Ryan McClune @ 7:59 PM
2 Comments:
Sorry for the delayed post, but the internet has been down in the house, which blows major goats. Watching softcore porn on demand on cable is not quite as thrilling as good ol' internet porn. Those stories are great. I've been in similar situations, and they never seem quite as cool when you tell them. One of those 'you had to be there' bits. I appreciate them, though. Is job week/month still a bust? Yeah, mine too. Safe.
The on demand "porn" does get old after a while. I find the stories to be distracting. Speaking of, I watched a documentary on the Sundance Channel last night called "Diary of a porn virgin". It was about two english girls trying to make it in the cuthroat industry of British porn. Safe to say, the two were nasty, fell of the ugly tree and such. It showed one of them peeing her pants in front of the camera. Job week is a total bust. I'm back to making excuses again, which isn't so bad really.
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