The Teen Wolf Blitzer
Alternate Title:
The Teen Wolf Blitzer Situation Room™
I should preface this post by informing you, my dear readers, that I don’t particularly like Wolf Blitzer. On the other hand, the 1985 film “Teen Wolf” holds a very special place in my admittedly foolish heart. The protagonist Scott Howard, played by the boyishly handsome Michael J. Fox, is a timeless character that all American males can relate to. From boyhood to adolescence and on to young adulthood, I longed to win the state basketball championship. But not as a human though. But rather, a werewolf type creature that oddly enough, never frightened anybody. Which kind of makes you wonder about the citizens of Beacon Town (yes, I did my research). Had werewolves been a benevolent or at least a benign presence in the city’s past. Or, like Rome itself, was the tiny hamlet of Beacon Town founded by twin brothers that were nursed by a kind and gentle She-Wolf. I don’t know, but it would certainly explain the townsfolk’s indifference to the sudden appearance of a teenage werewolf.
I also find myself sympathizing a great deal with the Teen Wolf. I happened to be a “late bloomer” myself, much like Scott Howard – which appears to be his problem in the early stages of the film (I’ve also never had a wet dream which means that either I skipped a vital stage of puberty or I began masturbating far too early and far too often). If you really think about it, Michael J. Fox is hairless and looks to be about twelve years old, not to mention sexually confused. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that the transformation to the Teen Wolf (hairy, powerful, and sexually aggressive) parallels the same changes that take place during the awkward years of male puberty.
By the way, I’m sort of on a roll here and can’t think of anything to say about Wolf Blitzer.
Remember that asshole Mick from the film. The same guy who got away with clotheslining people in the middle of a high school basketball game. The same guy who called one of your best friends “fatty” and was banging the woman of your dreams. I don’t think it needs to be said but we’ve all had a “Mick” in our lives. And now that I think about it, some of my readers went to my rival high school. I wonder if I was your “Mick” or vise versa. Jeff and Davis, were either of you fooling around with my old high school girlfriend Laruen or sabotaging by basketball career between 1999-2001. If so, I forgive you.
So, Wolf Blitzer and the Teen Wolf Blitzer. I’ll let the pictures do the talking.
posted by Ryan McClune @ 6:53 PM
12 Comments:
Great Post...To answer your question, no I was probably not your Mick. I wasnt banging much of anything between the years 1999 and 2001, and I was far too busy destroying my own basketball career to be a threat to yours. I made the freshman and sophomore team though, but after I quit my junior year I gained about 212 pounds, which most of you, well half of you (McClune and Jeff) remember.
I was definitely not your Mick either. I am, and always have been, very awful at basketball. No skills. My girlfriend kicks my ass on a regular basis. Very embarrassing.
Did anyone ever find it curious that Scott Howard's best (girl) friend in the movie was called "Boof"? I wonder what she did in her free time.
Damn you Jeff. I was going to ask McClune how he could write about Teen Wolf without mentioning Boof and Stiles! What a great movie!
Am the fifth fan of what could be the beginnings of McClune's Great American Novel? Or am I the sixth if you count the mysterious anonymous poster from a couple years ago?
Enjoying your work McClune. Now I'm hooked.
Ah, great post but before commenting on it I would like to follow up on a Davis comment form the last post.
I too miss the McClune-Fox apartment. I remember the low point for the both of them, they were both in the hole and rent was due. Ryan McClune, when speaking about the Gak the lizard "well someone's got to go, it's him or me" I remember them later looking up sperm banks online desperate for cash.
There are several things one could write about that place, our "snacks" from Jenson Liquor, Ryan spending the semester he was there not taking class playing the video game "Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic." The lizard dying because Zach didn't feed it, its body starting to rot, ryan finally picking it up and the tail falling off.
I could go on and on. What a great place.
Great post, there is a striking resemblance between teen wolf and wolf blitzer. Anyway keep on bloggin'
Welcome Jack, I'm glad you've enjoyed the blog. I really wanted to involve Boof and Stiles but just ran out of time. I tried to make this a Teen Wolf/Wolf Blitzer hyrbrid of a post but somewhere along the line I lost the plot so to speak. I just got back from playing pool at this really dingy bar in Rancho Cordova (Which we call Ranch Cambodia in Sacramento on account of all the asians)and I have to work in the morning. I would blog more but I've had far too much to drink.
You know what I don't remember about the Zach and Ryan's place- the night they left their door open and left town, so I came in, threw up all over their shower, & passed out on a bathroom floor that would remind one of a scene from Trainspotting.
Ryan, do you remember at your place watching a boxing match, getting way to amped up and having an ultimate couch cushion pillow death match?
Oh, I have a few more tidbits I can add. You need to go to a special Nike store (house of hoops) in LA to get them and call ahead to make sure they have your size but there is a limited edition shoe that I've been obsessing over. They will fill the void in your sole.. The Nike Air Teenwolf:
http://www.nikeskateboarding.org/index.php/2009/01/28/nike-dunk-low-teen-wolf-team-beavers-upcoming-release/
even though the real Teen Wolf obviously wore Adidas:
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4FryvPdWpQg/SJwyJEV-dWI/AAAAAAAAAL4/rv5OM_6k9Ek/s400/teenwolf+bbal1.jpg
Also you should follow up this blog with another similar one with Jason Bateman that is significantly less commercially successful.
Also, I've met Teen Wolf Blitzer and you know what he told me "Give Me. A Keg. Of Beer." /eyes glow
-Now, THAT was a situation room.
McClune, I think you'll appreciate these links. Others may find them offensive:
http://www.jimu.net/photos/images/gashlycrumb_-_h.gif
http://www.quizilla.com/user_images/R/redshoecult/1044341346_turesQUIZs.jpg
I love teen wolf!! :)
I'll have a new update tommorrow. I've been noodling with ideas so it will either be a "fat chicks" or "chinese food" post. Tonights venture into the underbelly of Sacramento will determine the entry.
p.s. for those who text me, i spilled beer on my cell about six months ago and cant use the 7 or 9 key, which is worrying if I ever have to dial 911. In other words, it is difficult for me to text message, so I dont.
Must I remind you that Teen Wolf was far from the benevolent figure you have made him out to be. In timeless misuse of his superpowers I believe he helped Styles locate his lost dope sack. Remember when the red-eyed Teen Wolf intimidated the liquor store clerk, "Give me a keg of beer." So both of these examples clearly bring up some ethical issues surrounding teen wolf's motives. But it also touches on your comparison of becoming a Teen Wolf with Male puberty; the pubescent Teen Wolf seems to be falling prey to an awful lot of peer pressure much like any young male going through puberty.
As to the past history of werewolves in Beacon Town's past you would have to think that the town went through similar events when Scott Howard's father discovered his own Teen Wolfness. Although I have not seen this movie in awhile so I don't know if Scott is in fact a second generation citizen of Beacon Town or if they relocated to town when Scott was just a wolf cub.
And Ryan there may be damning evidence that I may in fact could have been your Mick in high school. I was known to brew many a ruckus at every SMS vs SMW basketball game from 1998-2001. Some of my fellow classmates and I engaged in some curious phone exchanges with members of the SMS team and we could regularly be found in attendance with rolls of quarters on our person. Sometimes it was pennies or nickels cause it costs $10 for a roll of quarters.
I almost forgot to bring up this connection between Teen Wolf and Wolf Blitzer, I don't know if any of you are aware but Wolf Blitzer happens to be a huge NBA fan. Wolf can often be found court side at NBA games and since it is All-Star weekend look for him in the crowd in Phoenix during all the festivities. Watching must bring him back to his pre-college days when he harnessed his inner werewolf and ripped off like 40 straight points to lead his team to victory on the hardwood. I heard a rumor that Wolf might transform in to a full on Man Wolf and participate in the Slam Dunk contest ala the Phoenix Suns Gorilla mascot of the early to mid 90's. No trampoline necessary.
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