First blog in over a year
The picture is of my dog Boomer. He died in September only three weeks after I left for a job. He was 18.
Obviously, this is way overdue. But I’m not apologizing.
I’m going to Disneyland on Thursday, so if any five year olds are reading this, take that!
I had to rush home from work this morning because I had to go to the bathroom really bad. The facilities at work consist of two toilets and a single urinal. And that is simply not enough privacy for a “number 3”. I don’t call it “number 2” because you always pee a little when you do it and that’s a “number 1”. Therefore 2 (poop) + 1 (pee) = 3.
It gave me a brilliant idea, by the way. As I was speeding home I realized a simple, yet ingenious way of talking oneself out of a speeding ticket.
Tell the Policeman that you were heading home as quickly as possible because you’ve got to poop.
Now hear me out:
The poop argument will catch the Cop off guard. Follow it up with a sincere apology and if possible, try pushing as much blood to your face so as to look like your trying to keep something inside one of your orifices.
Before the Officer can respond, respectfully ask where the closest public bathroom is that he would recommend.
The conversation might go like this:
Me: “Gosh, I know I was going a bit too fast, but I’ve got to poop so bad. I’m trying to get home because this is serious.”
Policeman: “Well, Uhh.”
Me: “I think there’s a McDonalds, KFC, maybe a Carl’s Jr. about a mile away? Which would you try first if you were me?”
Policeman: “The Carl’s Jr., and a good day to you sir!”
That’s it.
And here is an awesome song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTPqPZzH-LA
posted by Ryan McClune @ 8:27 PM
8 Comments:
If the speeding ticket costs more then the pants you're wearing, and you are able, shit your pants without hesitation and start crying. You don't get points taken off your license or decreased insurance premiums for NOT pooping your pants. Fact.
Now you know why I have leather seats. Easy to wipe down.
Good to have a fresh posting at last, it's been too long.
I'm curious to hear of this mysterious plan of yours, and even more curious to hear when you're going to be stopping through KC.
Here's another hot jam for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdVMdORveRg
Thanks for the replies. My next post will be about how I spent the last five days at Disneyland. Really, I've been in Anaheim.
No one said anything about my dog. For shame.
-great jam Healy-san.
-how about this one -http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cegdR0GiJl4 - watch at least one minute of it.
-Hey Greg.
Sorry for no mention of the dog. I thought it might be too soon, and I'm not very good at offering condolences.
I went to Sonic last time I was in Anaheim. I got halfway through an extra long cheese coney and realized that the bottom of the bun was covered in mold.
Enter the Ninja is a huge jam. If you haven't checked it already, look at Zef Side: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q77YBmtd2Rw
Although it's been a while, I'm sorry to hear about your dog.
Brilliant !!!
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