First blog in over a year
The picture is of my dog Boomer. He died in September only three weeks after I left for a job. He was 18.
Obviously, this is way overdue. But I’m not apologizing.
I’m going to Disneyland on Thursday, so if any five year olds are reading this, take that!
I had to rush home from work this morning because I had to go to the bathroom really bad. The facilities at work consist of two toilets and a single urinal. And that is simply not enough privacy for a “number 3”. I don’t call it “number 2” because you always pee a little when you do it and that’s a “number 1”. Therefore 2 (poop) + 1 (pee) = 3.
It gave me a brilliant idea, by the way. As I was speeding home I realized a simple, yet ingenious way of talking oneself out of a speeding ticket.
Tell the Policeman that you were heading home as quickly as possible because you’ve got to poop.
Now hear me out:
The poop argument will catch the Cop off guard. Follow it up with a sincere apology and if possible, try pushing as much blood to your face so as to look like your trying to keep something inside one of your orifices.
Before the Officer can respond, respectfully ask where the closest public bathroom is that he would recommend.
The conversation might go like this:
Me: “Gosh, I know I was going a bit too fast, but I’ve got to poop so bad. I’m trying to get home because this is serious.”
Policeman: “Well, Uhh.”
Me: “I think there’s a McDonalds, KFC, maybe a Carl’s Jr. about a mile away? Which would you try first if you were me?”
Policeman: “The Carl’s Jr., and a good day to you sir!”
That’s it.
And here is an awesome song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTPqPZzH-LA
posted by Ryan McClune @ 8:27 PM
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